The art of the critique: how to receive writing feedback without losing your mind (part 2)

In Part 1 of this series, we talked about the delicate art of giving feedback. We discussed how to frame critiques so the writer stays open and curious rather than shutting down.

But what happens when the tables are turned? What happens when you are the one sitting in the hot seat?

Taking feedback is incredibly difficult. Our words and our stories are, in a way, our children. They are our creations, and we love them fiercely. Because of that emotional attachment, our immediate reaction to criticism is often to protect our work.

But if we want to grow, we have to learn how to step back, remain objective, and avoid getting tangled up in our own emotions.

Here are some essential tips for receiving feedback with grace and making the best use of it.

1. Maintain emotional distance (and remember to breathe)

When you hear a piece of feedback you don’t like, your body might react before your brain does. You might feel a sudden flush of heat, a tightening in your chest, or a wall of resistance coming up.

When that happens, simply take a deep breath into that resistance and release it. Remind yourself of a fundamental truth: you do not have to use any of their advice. They are readers offering their perspective, not ultimate authorities dictating the fate of your manuscript.

Just as you should give advice with a spirit of openness, you must receive it with that same spirit.

Know that the critiquer has your best interests in mind. They are not saying these things to hurt you. They are trying to help you bridge the gap between what’s in your head and what is actually on the page.

2. Take everything with a grain of salt (and check their credentials)

Not all feedback is created equal, and not every reader is the right reader for your work. You must evaluate whether the person critiquing your work is actually qualified to do so.

For instance, if you have a poet who has never written or critiqued prose, they might not be the best choice to review your novel. Vice versa, a prose writer who rarely reads poetry is likely not qualified to give you technical advice on your stanza structure. Value their perspective as a general reader but take their genre-specific advice with a grain of salt.

Years ago, I asked my poetry mentor to review the first chapter of my memoir. I took the advice she gave me, revised my chapter and sent it off to a contest that offered feedback. They eviscerated my chapter. It turned out the advice my poetry mentor gave me was all wrong for a memoir. I was a young writer who didn’t know any better, but I learned a valuable lesson from that experience. Make sure your critique is qualified in your genre!

3. The 24-hour rule

One of the best pieces of advice from veteran authors is to let feedback “marinate.” When you receive a critique, read it, say thank you, and then put it away for at least 24 hours.

Do not immediately start deleting chapters or defending your choices. Give your ego a day to calm down. Once the initial sting wears off, you will be able to look at the notes much more objectively and see the value hidden within them.

4. Triage the advice with three questions

Instead of adopting every suggestion, look at the advice on a case-by-case basis. Put your work through a filter by asking yourself these three questions:

• Will the change they are suggesting actually make my story or poem stronger?
• Does it match the core intent of my creative work?
• Does the feedback feel valid? Does it resonate with my gut?

If the answer is no, discard the note. If the answer is yes, get to work.

5. Learn from your missteps

It is entirely possible to accidentally ruin a piece of writing by blindly following the wrong advice—remember my experience with my poetry mentor.

I had to go back and undo the damage. I learned a hard lesson from that experience, and I have NEVER repeated that mistake again.

6. Ask clarifying questions, not defending questions

When someone gives you a critique, your instinct might be to explain why you wrote it that way. Resist this urge. If you have to explain the story to the reader, the story isn’t doing its job on the page.

Instead of defending, ask clarifying questions. If a reader says, “The pacing feels slow,” ask them, “Can you point to the specific paragraph or scene where you started to lose interest?” This turns vague criticism into actionable data.

Closing Thought

Receiving feedback is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets, and the less it hurts to flex it. Keep your mind open, keep your ego in check, and remember that at the end of the day, you are the author. The final say always belongs to you.

What have you learned from giving and receiving writing feedback? Please share in the comments!